Demon Hotel Owners Bracing for Full-Power Exorcism   Leave a comment


The haunted and devil ridden building located in downtown Winnipeg known as the “Demon Hotel” may be saved after all.  The buildings owners Mordecai Lipschitz and Angus Macleod are preparing the biggest exorcism ever between Toronto and Vancouver. They want to rid the building of the evil specters that have terrified renovation contractors causing the building to stay vacant.  Even the bravest electricians and plumbers only last a day or two before they flee like scared rabbits.  The previous owners even brought in Mike Holmes from Holmes on Homes fame.  Big Mike said the holy water costs alone were impractical and abandoned the project.

“The time has come to clean that valuable property up” said Mordecia, he prefers to be called Mordy. “I don’t knew what brought those horrid spirits into the building but I want some return on my investment” spewed Scotsman Macleod. ‘This building may be old, but it is located on prime real-estate. And there is money to be made here, lots of money.”

Gods-eye view of the building

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Intrepid newshound reporter Zen Yetimoto has been investigating the new happenings at the Demon Hotel. For this he had to take a short sabbatical from his day job as senior investigative journalist for DSC News Bulletin Service at the provocative website http://thedonaldstreetcollective.weebly.com/.

The investigation began with Zen noticing huge scaffolding covering the entire front of the building.  According to the owners, the plan is to surround the building with scaffolding, and then place exorcist capable priests up and down the scaffolds.  When the stars line up, which should be soon according to the updated Exorcism Today Newsletter, the priests will all start chanting in unison: “the Power of Christ Compels You.” This mantra should cause the evil spirits to flee the premises, or least of all give them very bad heartburn.

Yesterday Zen noticed a 9 foot priest prepping the site.  The priest was reading out loud from an exorcist encyclopedia and spreading holy water around the perimeter.  Zen tried an interview with the giant holy man, but he was in his own little world. This guy is a Frankenstein priest.

 priestz

When the frugal owners of the building brought their full-power exorcism proposal to the Catholic church they were flabbergasted with the cost estimate.  Being two old guys who like to save money, Mordy and Angus found a discount Buddhist exorcist monastery nestled in Vancouver’s eastside ghetto. This monastery will work for minimum wage as many of the rank and file are young up and coming monks who are being trained as apprentice exorcists.

monks– 

Reporter Zen Yetimoto was getting very bad vibes from the place and decided to leave the area.  As Zen left he noticed a very strange drawing on the plywood fence in front of the cursed edifice. It totally creeped out the fearless newsman.

demonpriest

The thing looked inanimate, but its stare was physically palpable.  Pure evil, no question. Those demons aren’t going softly.

It has been rumoured that the building across the street, the Tremblay apartments, has been infected with the putrid evil from the Demon Hotel.  Like an Ebola virus, the horrid evil spreads, consuming into a bottomless abyss anything that gets in the way. 

As he was leaving the area Zen snapped a picture of the allegedly haunted neighbouring building.

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What a chilling and spooky looking place!

Zen snapped a close-up of the building as he passed by. Later at home while checking his photos Zen almost blew a heart valve. In one of the photos the head of what looks like a shrunken witch appeared.  It had not been there when the photo was taken! The horror was so intense that Zen dove under his bed and broke out into a raging sweat. Zen has been eating strong prescription sedatives like candy ever since.

demon lady1

The giant priest and the teenage Buddhist exorcists are going to have their hands full in this upcoming epic battle between good and evil!

The owners in better days: Mordy Lipschitz on the left and Angus Macleod in the kilt.  Crazy guys.

new hotelxx

Posted April 20, 2014 by markosun in Uncategorized

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